Scrapbooking Child Loss

September 28, 2003 my contractions started. It was apparent my son would be born on this day, also my husband’s birthday. We arrived at the hospital and led to a small examination room. Sonogram machine, oxygen mask, and 5 nurses milled about.

Panic set in when the sonogram showed no movement. In an instant, everyone was gone and the door shut behind them. We were in shock calling family members of the horrific news. 12 hours later Tanner was stillborn. The pregnancy books never said Braxton Hicks contractions make it seem like your baby is alive.

Instead of bringing my baby home we were planning the memorial service, finding a container for ashes, receiving sympathy cards, hearing nothing but myself crying in the nursery and having my heart ripped out of my chest.

Being intoxicated and numb the first month was my solution. In the second month, my grief was tripled after acknowledging 2 early pregnancy losses I never grieved for. I was now grieving for my 3 children.

I was then drawn back to the Catholic Church and found some peace and direction to help me on my new journey in life.

My energy as a mother led me to create memorials for my children. Memory gardens, drawings, journaling, and scrapbook pages. Finally, the creation of Just a Cloud Away(www.justacloudaway.com), a heaven-based support website and healing scrapbook kits for those grieving early pregnancy and infant loss.

My children changed my life for the good and I wanted to document that fact. I also wanted to document my faith in being reunited again. Losing a child is the worst experience for a parent to endure, however, I would not want to live one day prior to our son Tanner’s existence. He is our miracle baby.

Our loved ones are part of our lives and made us who we are. Their stories and legacies should be preserved for our living children and their children.

My new path is filled with discovery, spirituality and happiness I never dreamed of. Tanner has opened my eyes to the world. I have discovered treasures within myself to help me in everyday life. The love I have for him is poured into my relationships with others. I can now jump any obstacle, help others going through similar situations and understand I have no control over my life. The only control that I do have is the way in which I handle it.

My new life is because of my sweet and quiet son Tanner Lee. The silence is the greatest gift my son has given me.

Submitted by Diana Gardner-Williams of Justacloudaway.com


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